How I'm Learning to love the skin I'm In.

Since I started my blog I’ve wanted to write a bit more about some gritty topics that I feel passionate about but felt a bit weary about judgement and all that hoo har. But I’ve decided to stop caring so much about what people gotta say about it and just thought ‘’F*ck it, I’m writing it’’. Also I’ve decided to write it because this is the type of content that I love reading and that I would like to think a lot of girls like reading because it makes us all realise that were all the same and we all experience feeling shit about our bodies at one time or another, so here we go…

I never cared about my body until I started studying for my first degree in media makeup back in 2013 when I decided to start slimming world with my mum and sister. In hindsight I kinda wish I never started going to any kind of ‘’slimming’’ club because it shaped my mentality towards food and weight loss and that always hasn’t been that good shall we say. But I am also happy that I did it because I did learn a lot about what food was good and bad and also some cooking skills as slimming world have some fab recipes that you can follow!

However, I started seeing results on the scales and that made me happy, I wanted to feel that happy every single week, so you can imagine the pure devastation of when I would gain a pound- I now realise how crazy I was to cry over gaining a 1lb, but back then, it really devastated me. Looking back, I realise now how my relationship with food began to change because of becoming obsessed with a number on the scales. The pleasure of eating nice food and the delight I got from it started to fade away and food became just a way of keeping me full throughout the day rather than actually enjoying what I ate. It makes me sad to think that is how I used to be BUT also makes me so happy and proud that I’ve been able to change that now.

Aswell as slimming world I also did weight watchers, which I admittedly still follow most of time now and that’s because I feel it just acts as a healthy lifestyle for me in which I can still eat whatever I want but just in more balance. I can now do weight watchers through the week happily and then at the weekend enjoy what I want to, whether that be an Indian takeaway or a family size bar of oreo sandwich dairy milk lolz But again doing weight watchers hasn’t always been great for me and did add to my unhealthy relationship with food and unfortunately some really destructive and self-deprecating behaviours such as making excuses not to go out for meals with friends and socialise because I didn’t know how the food would be cooked and therefore didn’t want to risk not knowing the calories of the dish- I know right?! But it was such an easy mentality to fall into especially with the added pressures from social media depicting the ‘’perfect’’ body. Even at the beginning of last year I was still rather obsessive with what I was eating and how many calories it had etc etc etc, I got married in March 2018 as you will know if you read my wedding blog, so I felt obliged to be really strict on my food choices. The truth is, even if I had been 7lbs heavier on the day of our wedding I wouldn’t have cared and would have been just as happy and that’s what I lost sight of.

All of this mentality was shaped by obsessing over numbers on the scales, weighing myself every single week and feeling disappointed if it wasn’t the number I wanted to see and constantly striving to be a certain number. Since getting married last March, I decided to start to learn about body confidence and start embracing my body shape. I basically learnt to stop giving a shit. Don’t get me wrong ladies, it nice to have a goal to work towards if you’ve got a holiday coming up or a special event but it doesn’t have to be an obsessive lifestyle based on a number, it can just be a healthier approach to your life. Over the past year I’ve taken a more practical and healthy approach to my life in which I adopt a healthy lifestyle 80% time and the other 20% of time I enjoy myself, I eat the cake at afternoon tea, I drink the gin at family events and stuff the chocolate in when my period is due (we all know this helps gals) and the most important thing about all that is that I’m happy about it, I’m happy that I can have roast dinner on a Sunday and be able to tell myself that, doing this doesn’t make me a bad person, it makes me NORMAL, about 90% of the population will have a roast on a Sunday so you can too!

We all have insecurities and don’t get me wrong I definitely have days when I wake up and my flabby bits piss me off but then I tell myself, SOOOO many other ladies have a bit of flab and cellulite just like me, that doesn’t make us ugly that makes us who we are, we all have unique bodies and shapes and that’s what is so beautiful about women, we are all different but can all relate to each other in some way or another! The sizes that I wear range from a size 10-18 and I'm ok with that, I don’t wear the size on the outside of my clothes, I wear my personality and uniqueness through my fashion choices and that’s what I care about promoting.

I’ve even taken the step to stop weighing myself (one of my new year’s resolutions-my first blog post of 2019- go check it out 😊 ) I know that some people find this is a great way for them to track progression etc but I find for me it just constitutes to a bit of obsessive behaviour and also just makes me feel bad if it’s not the number I want to see so because of that, I’ve put a stop to it and I’ve felt so much better, I’m learning to use how my outfits and clothes feel as to how my body confidence is rather than living my life by numbers! I have no idea how much I weigh right now and I have honestly never felt happier or more confident about the skin that I'm in because of it.

So anyway gals, what I’m trying to say is, we all have body insecurities, we all feel guilty after eating naughty food- all of this behaviour is normal and I know that now but what’s important is to learn to love the skin that we are in, for example, I have thick thighs and a large arse and I’ve decided to just embrace it, I’m learning to love my curves more and more every day and because of that it shows through my fashion choices and attitude- I’m not afraid to show them off anymore, IM CURVY AND I AM DAMNNN PROUD! SHOUT OUT TO EVERY SINGLE WOMEN ON THIS EARTH, WE ARE AMAZING CREATURES AND WE ARE ALL UNIQUE- LETS LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES 😊

P.S I’m going to link some Instagram accounts below that I follow that really help me with my body confidence and always lift me up! They are freakin great!

Connie Simmons

Ashley Graham

HannahFGale

Giovanni Fletcher

Carrie Hope Fletcher

Savanna Sievers

Ariella Nyssa

Megan Jayne Crabbe